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In the early 70’s, I worked for a few years in a “group home” for troubled kids who were labeled by the system as being “disturbed or delinquent.” The director of the home really loved kids, as did I. I was lucky to work with him because I was green at this work and right away he demonstrated how important it was to listen to the kids and understand where they were coming from. It was all too easy to react to their anger and hostility, but in this home we didn’t react. We kept in mind what had made the kids so angry and hostile and when we kept loving them and listening to them, little miracles started happening. No, not just little, rather powerful things happened. In our group meetings, we asked a lot of questions and gave the kids plenty of opportunities to express their feelings and also give their ideas for resolving difficult issues. Difficult issues or problems were often solved by the kids themselves. We empowered them and they rose to the occasion – not always, but often enough. The end result is we became a caring community rather than being just a group home.
I am the owner of a small business that has successfully grown despite my and my husband’s lack of formal training in how to run a business. One of the most challenging aspects of owning a business for us is “Human Resources” – a.k.a. hiring & firing, and helping people communicate effectively with one another in a work environment. We also live in a very small community, so maintaining good relationships with folks (both in and outside of work) is very important.
ReplyDeleteWe have recently had a few challenging Human Resources issues arise. In one instance we felt that we needed to let one of our employees go, and in another, we had two employees who work closely together that just could not get along. I am not a person that likes conflict or drama, so the way that we were successfully able to resolve these issues was through listening. In both cases we had “clearness” meetings with the involved employees where we just listened to what they had to say and how they felt. In turn, we expressed our needs and expectations as well. These meetings went on for as long as they needed to in order for everyone to be able to fully express their feelings and experiences, and feel that they were truly “heard”.
The results of this “deep listening” have been amazing. I feel like it has greatly improved my understanding of peoples’ needs in a work environment, and it has deepened my respect and understanding of these individuals personally. In the case of the person that we ultimately had to fire, he was able to air his grievances with us (as well as us with him) in a safe manner. We were able to assist him in getting another job where he can feel more comfortable and let his skills shine. And it gave us the opportunity to recognize mistakes we had made so that we can become better employers. Now whenever I see him in the community, I feel love and appreciation for him, and I think it is reciprocated.
As for the two co-workers who just weren’t getting along, they were able to come to an understanding that they have different communication styles which were resulting in both of them getting upset. After each sharing their versions of recent events that had caused conflict, and listening to the other’s feelings and reactions, they were able to better understand and appreciate each other. And although it is an ongoing process, they are learning how to communicate effectively with one another so that neither of them gets annoyed or gets their feelings hurt. This simple process of listening to one another has proven itself to be an effective way to create and maintain a pleasant working atmosphere and minimize conflict in the workplace.
As a trainer of early childhood teachers, I’m used to doing more talking than listening. Much of what I train on presently is a curriculum I’m helping to develop that reflects the culture and language of the children, whose parents are migrant farmworkers. While the teachers seem to buy-in during training, I’d seen few changes in their classrooms, i.e. they still looked like typical American plastic preschools.
ReplyDeleteDuring a recent training, I went on a hunch about why their good intentions were not being translated into practice. Frequently, our classrooms are staffed with a lead who possesses a teaching degree, and an assistant who speaks the language of the children but has less formal training. Curious if inequities in cultural power were at play, I asked the teachers who were white or African American (and were mostly leads) to reflect on what from their cultures they thought the children should know to successfully acculturate. I asked the teachers of Latino culture, who were mostly assistants, to think about how to change the planning process so that their knowledge could be included and reflected in the classrooms.
After 20 minutes of intense conversation, the 2 groups sat across from each other and began speaking. My first realization that their interaction could explode was the visual sight of 3 cultural groups facing off with arms crossed on their chests and a table between them. Naïve but hopeful, I listened carefully to their thoughts. An African American teacher described the pressure of a consequence focused work environment, and the intense responsibility she feels for meeting Head Start requirements. A Latino teacher spoke of her discomfort with seeing sombreros as the sole representation of her culture on the classroom walls. One misunderstanding after another revealed itself, with the potential for offense hanging heavily in the air as a group or person realized they were being accused. Some misunderstandings were culturally based, while others were not. Aware, finally, of what I had set in motion, I affirmed the strength of the emotions in the room and the courage they were displaying in saying what needed to be said.
And then, with one story, they became a school community again. An African American teacher who is a degreed, lead teacher talked about the shame of being teased as a child for wearing different shoes to school, due to a lack of home electricity that meant dressing in the dark. As she cried, one Latino teacher passed a tissue as another touched her back. Tensions melted into talking through how they could share power, so that their best thoughts – the ones borne from shared past experiences of being a minority, of being excluded, of not being considered – could be brought to the light for the benefit of the children we teach.